When You've Got So Much To Say It's Called Gratitude

         

            In this technological era, where everything is expanding so quickly, there is so much that we as humans take for granted every day.  One thing I definitely take for granted is time, though it may not be a physical object, I spend so much time with technology that I become a home body.  Granted I'm creating music, doing homework, etc. but I feel like it's also making me lazy, and way to connected to my computer, that I lose my mind if I go a day without it.  I used to run every day, and go to fitness classes 3 times a week, now I'm lucky to run 3 days a week, and I feel like I'm wasting time not being active.  Another thing that not only myself but everybody takes advantage of is a cellphone, our cellphone has to be the best one out, however, there was a time where having a phone was a luxury.  There's a house on my street, where Alexander Graham Bell made his first "long distance call", the call - from Somerville, MA to Boston, MA not even 3 miles.  That was seen as an amazing discovery, now it seems so minute, and meaningless.
             There's so much I am grateful for, as I was lucky to grow up the way I did and know the people that I did.  I've grown up to be very smart because my mother worked as PTA President, so I was always at school, and always learning, I had a distinct advantage that I didn't realize how advantageous it was.  I also have many connections both through family, and from networking, with my uncle as VP of Human Resources at Reebok I got to see how shoes were designed and created.  I've had several different jobs that I never had to "apply" to, they were just given to me.  Finally I had the opportunity to travel to Spain/Portugal in 8th grade, among a group of 30 students, paying over $1,800 to go on the trip I was lucky enough to have two parents with jobs that could satisfy that price.  There's so much in my life that I'm grateful for.
            One thing I've been able to take in a lot more is the power of books and what it's done in terms of my vocabulary and also my creativity.  Books like Game of Thrones, and Joyland and other books, are ones that I overlooked before, but now that I'm reading them I can't put them down.  I've bought more books in the past 3 months than I had read, in high school (15 give or take).  I also believe I'm able to absorb the enjoyment of conversation, an art I feel has diminished with the introduction of technology and social media.  I could talk for hours, and I always enjoy some who knows how to keep a conversation and doesn't involve me having to carry a conversation.  You know what they say, "the more connected we are, the more alone we become." Talk more.

Sunrise

The world opens up
The color restores to us
You are alive now

Music

Feelings of our heart
The outside world is blinded
Emotion fills us

Parents

Never growing far
Like a bear with her babies
They always defend

Spirit

I see them watching
Teaching me all the secrets
That you cannot see

Teachers

The unknown heroes
The most important people
Without, life cannot

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You have to fail, to learn how to succeed

        No matter who you are, or where you're from, everybody has fears in life.  Whether it's the rich white kid who's afraid of growing up without any real friends, or if it's the African-American teen growing up in Compton fearing he may not live to see 25.  My fears are in between both of those, I'm afraid of loneliness, but I'm also afraid of success.  For the loneliness part, to this day I've never been in a relationship, I'm also a very stubborn person sometimes, and that tends to drive people away from me.  I'm also fearing for success because you lose your personal life, when you become successful in the way that I would like to become successful (through music).  Also when you're successful you never know who is there for you and who is there for your money, it becomes risky business when you can't determine who your friends are.
        Just like how anybody can have fears, everybody has obstacles they have to overcome at some point in their life.  Whether it's that stereotypical neglected white rich kid trying to knock his drug habit, or that kid from Compton trying to find his way out of his dangerous neighborhood without trouble or crime.  For me as a music producer, an obstacle has been my location in Boston, there isn't a large hip hop community music for my music to thrive on.  Which creates another obstacle in the sense of having to move to NYC or LA for the possibility of my music to thrive, of course it could also be a big risk, which I would have to determine whether it's worth it or not.  Another obstacle which is common in music is staying relevant in a business that's always changing, though these may not seem like struggles to some, for somebody like me pursuing a career in music.
         Some assets I do hold however, is that I persevere, and continue on no matter how hard something may be.  I'm also very ambiguous, and I believe that everybody has greatness when they look into themselves.  I'm also known to have my ear to the ground in terms of music, and a lot of my friends come to me to find out the latest on new music.  I'm also very honest which people seem to enjoy, when they're looking for a genuine opinion, because they know I won't hold back from what I want to say.  Finally I would say that I have a lot of connections from how I've been raised and how sociable I am, and with that I can strive to get anything I need in life.

Perseverance

I'm running the track of life
Jumping over invisible hurdles tryna catch my breath
That fears cutting deeper than the tip of a knife
The more I run the more I find
These obstacles got me going out of my mind

I can't back down though
I need to keep on running through it
I can't let them see me frown, no
I can see the finish line now
I feel my body giving in this is all it can allow

But I fight off my demons
I box through the darkness
You know what to do when life hands you lemons
So I feel my adrenaline, it gives me a boost
I get to that last 100 meters now

I reached the finish line, take a bow.

Stop and Stare

I've decided to free write at three different times of the day for this weeks writing assignment.

Morning:

       I woke up this morning on a mission.  I was going to just get up, go for a run, and sit in my secret area to watch the sun rise.  So I did.  I woke up at 5:30 and went through my daily ritual, get dressed, prepped my backpack, and got my running gear on.  I decided I wasn't going to bring music on my run, so that I wouldn't be distracted, and so that I didn't have any distractions from the sunrise.  I did my five mile run, not thinking about anything but what was in front of me, and it was one of my most enjoyable runs I've ever been on.  Then I got to enjoy the beauty of the sunrise, no texts to look at, no Instagram photos to like, no pictures, to take and it made me enjoy it that much more.  I didn't realize what I was missing.

Afternoon.

      Sitting at my desk, I decided that I wasn't going to use any technology for the rest of my night, so I had to find something else to do.  Something that would distract me from the glowing rectangles that I was so addicted to staring at for the entirety of my day.  I started out by reading the fourth book in the Game of Thrones series (a book series I strongly recommend).  Then after I got through 200 pages of that I decided that since my mind was wondering I needed something new to keep me focused.  I got my drawing pad out and began to draw some tattoo ideas I had been considering.  I'm usually not an abstract thinker but it turns out that when I don't have a million things shooting around in my head at once that I can actually think abstractly. I actually was able to crank out 10 different ideas, safe to say it was a productive afternoon.

Night.

      It's the night of the Pusha T concert at the Middle East downstairs and I'm amped to go.  I decided to bring some stuff to keep me entertained, while I wait in line, I wanted to be up in front of the stage.  I brought a pencil, a tin can, and a couple other misc. things I could throw away.  With the producer that I am, I decided that I would just make beats to keep myself entertained, little did I know I was going to turn the line into a rap battle.  I decided not to take my phone tonight, because I knew if I did, I'd find myself recording the whole concert and not actually enjoying the music.  If I had brought my phone, I wouldn't have been able to have as much fun in line either.  It turned out I got front row at the concert, and I jammed my hard out to the G.O.O.D. Music Golden Child.  I looked around me and what I saw was a bunch of cameras, recording the whole show, no dancing, no rapping with the lyrics, just statues holding phones.  It was at that moment I reflected to myself, and said, I'll never bring my phone to a concert again.

The Sights.

When I stop I notice the sun
Rising out of it's bed of branches,
Turning the sky a bright pink
Like my cheeks on this cold morning
Clouds of fluff slowly dissipate
The wind blowing at my face
Wake up it's time for school
The music in my ears
Providing a soundtrack to the morning
The morning dew sparkles as the sun rises higher
The sky now turns the familiar blue
Like I'm staring up at an ocean on a clear day
One car drives by
Then two more, then a trunk blowing its horn
Two men in suits running down the street
A woman with auburn curls speeds down the street
On her bike like she's racing
Like her life depends on how fast she pedals
But there is no one else there
Just me, absorbing all the beauty that no one else seems to see.

                                                    This is a picture from my road trip to TX

Mixing It All Together

                 I will admit that in high school, I wasn't the most serious about my grades, I fell into the social aspect of high school more than the educational aspect.  Before you make assumptions, I wasn't failing by any means, but I was getting low B's and high C's which was different than what I had got in middle school. It wasn't til my junior year, when the dreaded but exciting college talks began, and I realized that the GPA I hadn't been paying attention to wasn't going to help me get into the colleges I wanted to.  Even bigger than the idea of college, that concerned me was getting into the National Honor Society, of which I was later rejected because my GPA was lower than the expectation.  I would later find out that not getting in was a blessing in disguise.
                When I first got the rejection letter, it was like somebody stuck their hand into my chest and ripped my heart out, I was devastated.  I held the National Honor Society so high, and hated the fact I was going to be the only one of my siblings to not get into National Honors.  Then after getting rejected I had to watch everybody who got accepted walk across the stage and have their accolades read, I will admit I was bitter.  I then decided that this group was only a select group and didn't actually represent everybody but only a select few.  Some of the kids on stage were the ones that didn't know how to balance social and educational activities in school, and would instead just focus on their education.  To me a model student was one that could equally balance both, nobody is indeed perfect, and I didn't need a gold sash around my neck to tell me or anybody else that I was smart.  This flub in my high school legacy, in actuality was a blessing in disguise.
               Not getting put in the National Honors Society was really a blessing in disguise, because it made me get my act together and work harder.  For my senior year of high school I ended up with High Honors, getting straight A's in both semesters, and felt a new found confidence in my intelligence.  I finally was able to realize my true potential, and what I'm able to do when I set my mind to it.  I used to procrastinate on everything I did, work, school, sports, everything, after that National Honors flub, my procrastination is no more, and my productivity has increased substantially.  I can't just expect to be accepted into something because of who I am and I learned that the hard way.  

Potency

Alchemy in common terms is a medieval chemistry
   A concoction of sorts, but is relateable to us

  For in our own right we are a mix of properties
    How we are described by others
 How we describe ourselves
       Who we are religiously, who we are ethnically
    It all gets thrown in the melting pot
       Each one of us our own unique concoction
  Not one mixture is exactly the same
      We form our own beliefs based on our "chemical" foundation
 We create the the reality of our lives
      We are the potency to the universe
    We are the alchemists to our own lives
   We are each our own perfect mixture.